Advice for the Unspeakable

This is too cute not to repost.

Apoplectic Apostrophes


Dear Editors,

I have been a big fan of your Books of Unspeakable Madness series for many years—I’m especially fond of your special editions bound in human flesh. Recently, however, I have run into a spot of trouble and I am hoping you will be able to help me out.

Last weekend, I was performing a ritual from your latest version of the Necronomicon for Dummies. The ritual itself went seamlessly; my neighbours have ceased their quibbling about the property line. In fact, they are quite eager to erect a fence as soon as possible! But my problem lies in the basement, where a mass of loathsome, tentacled creatures have taken up residence. My wife is unable to reach the laundry room without being repeatedly groped and she is now threatening to leave me if I don’t deal with these spawn of Cthulhu immediately. I’ve tried, but none of…

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2 Responses to “Advice for the Unspeakable”

  1. Where ya be? I notice you haven’t posted for awhile. I hope things are okay.

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