Fannish Individual

I didn’t write this.  It was from a spoof done at a con many years ago.  I feel the need to share it every few years.

To the Tune of Model Major General, just in case you don’t figure it out.

I am the very model of a fannish individual.
I’ve knowledge literary, cinematic and political.
I know the names of all who’ve won the Hugo and the Nebula,
And I’ve attended every con they’ve held in Philadelphia.

I love Arthur C. Clarke, Terry Prachett, C.J. Cherryh, Frederik Pohl,
J.R.R. Tolkien, Andre Norton, Barbara Hambley, read ’em all.
Marion Zimmer Bradley, Robert Heinlein, Isaac Asimov,
Of reading science fiction I can never ever get enough.

(Of reading science fiction he can never ever get enough.
Of reading science fiction he can never ever get enough.
Of reading science fiction he can never ever ever get enough.)

I ‘ve read Niven, Foster, Silverberg, Zelazny, Card and Donaldson.
McCaffrey, Herbert, Chalker, Eddings, Dickson and Poul Anderson.
In matters literary, cinematic and political,
I am the very model of a fannish individual.

(In matters literary, cinematic and political,
He is the very model of a fannish individual.)

I ‘ve seen every science fiction story captured by a camera.
Metropolis, 2001, Forbidden Planet, Gamera.
Close Encounters, Things to Come and Bambi Meets Godzi-illa,
Alien III, Superman, The Fly and Barbare-ella.

I’ve taped every single episode of Twilight Zone and Dr. Who.
My anime collection is the envy of all fandom too.
I’m fluent in Minbari, Bocci, Klingon, Betazoid and Narn.
And I know every detail of the Federation Uniform.

(And he knows every detail of the Federation Uniform.
And he knows every detail of the Federation Uniform.
And he knows every detail of the Star Trek Federation Uniform.)

I ‘ve seen Will Robinson grow up and now I watch him as Lenier.
I’ve travelled thoughout time and space to galaxies both far and near.
In matters literary, cinematic and political,
I am the very model of a fannish individual.

(In matters literary, cinematic and political,
He is the very model of a fannish individual.)

I vote on every Worldcon site that’s ever been or’s yet to be.
I’ve gone to business meetings and had Robert Sacks defer to me.
I know the details of the Worldcon site selection voting zones.
And when I work on any con, I get a beeper and a phone.

I’ve been to Torcon, Chicon, Discon, Aussiecons both I and II.
Constellation, Confiction, Pacificon and Big MAC too.
Conspiracy, Denvention and the secret one in ’42.
I don’t know much ’bout how cons run, but I’m sure I know more than you.

(He doesn’t know just how cons run, but he’s sure he knows more than you.
He doesn’t know just how cons run, but he’s sure he knows more than you.
He doesn’t know just how cons run, but he’s sure he knows so much more than you.)

I’ve worked at every job from lowly gopher to division head.
And I’d have chaired a Worldcon too, but other big name fen all said,
“Your knowledge is impressive, but your business skills are pitiful,
You are the very model of a fannish individual.”

(His knowledge is impressive, but his business skills are pitiful,
He is the very model of a fannish individual.)

 

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