Archive for Abuse

Have you had one of those days . . . . down the rabbit hole of my mind.

Posted in Entertainment, Food, Politics, Work with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 11, 2012 by urbannight

You wake up and feel exhausted. You feel as if you are just getting off work, not just getting up to a new day. When you get to work, you realize that you are actually in a bad mood that is a holdover from the day before. As the morning progresses, you realize that your bad mood is progressing from bad to foul.

This was my morning. I can’t say I dreamt about work.

I actually had a dream about jumping through hoops to get a volunteer job at a library. One that would put me in place for when a paid opening came along. I had to make nice with and get a bunch of criminals to approve of me. This seemed odd. Italy kept coming up as well. When I finally woke up, I had been in a card game that I had never played before called Around the World. Certain cards represented certain countries. Whoever had the highest cards for the countries and got the highest score for the hand won the hand. I had a cheat sheet since I never played before. Italy was represented by a lot of the club cards. I was on the third country, which I can’t remember now, and the symbols on the cheat sheet were three pillars. One pillar had a flame over it, one had half a flame, and the other had no flame. I had no idea what that meant and which cards could be connected to pillars. What was going on? Was the library run by the Mafia?

At that point I just got up. I didn’t want to dream that dream anymore. But I felt exhausted. I was so tired last night that I fell asleep shortly after 9:30. Then I couldn’t sleep in the middle of the night. I was up from about 1 – 2 am. After that, I slept for about 4 hours and 20 minutes more. I guess that means I was about 10 minutes shy of 8 hours. Or does it not count since I was up for an hour in the middle?

Half way to work, I realized I forgot to take my blood pressure medication. So it didn’t help when I realized I was in a really bad mood. That always raises the old blood pressure. Having a few non-work related conversations w/ coworkers has helped a bit.

Reading news media is not helping.

How about the South Carolina governor who decided rape victims and battered wives were a distraction from real issues and who denied funding for things that would help them? And this official is a woman. A woman who thinks rape and domestic violence are not important issues.

This reminds me of the women who fought hard AGAINST allowing women the right to vote. It catapults her into the ranks of women who believe in holding other women back, women who believe that a woman’s place is in the home, not working, and unable to have their own bank accounts or get loans without written permission from their husbands.
I’m shocked she ran for office and she claims her focus is on jobs. Oh, I guess she is in office to support a male agenda and to yank women back to their status from the 1940’s. She will help create jobs by keeping women in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant, whether they want to be or not.

Am I being too harsh? I don’t think so.

There was another political article I wanted to rant and rave about, but now I can’t find it and my mind is drawing a blank.

It’s been one of those days. I know a storm is predicted, I wonder if we will get it sooner than predicted. My head is killing me and two Excedrin didn’t put a dent in it. If anything, it is getting worse. On one hand, I really want this break in the hideous heat. On the other hand, I could live without the headache. The heat was so bad that I skipped all 4th of July events this year.

I’ve had it up to my eyeballs with the heat and from what I’ve been reading in my research, this may be the way weather is going to be. People have been talking about finding ways to slow down or reverse global warming since the 70’s. Governments have been trying to come to agreements and failing. Businesses have been fighting it tooth and nail because they don’t want the cost of having to install new systems. I’ve been saying for years that I believe we are nearing the point of no return. Now the scientists are starting to say that we are approaching the point of no return.

I can’t fall asleep if it is over 72 degrees. But I think the real problem for me is humidity and the heat index. I didn’t have this problem back home, in the Northwest, where we didn’t have AC. But even 90 degree weather didn’t feel that bad without humidity. I never even heard of a heat index until I moved to the Midwest.

Also from the news, if a person has to have a friend get her a disposable phone, get her parents involved, and hire 3 different law firms in order to get started on divorce proceedings, there has to have been something really really wrong in the marriage. And since most actors and actresses do joint custody when they split (or so seems to me), it seems significant that she was putting everything in place in secret and going after sole custody.

Normally I don’t really care about these people. They are just people who happen to have a way overpaid job. Too many of them develop an attitude of entitlement. I like the down to earth ones who don’t seem to let fame get in the way of their personal and family life, like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell for example, and seem to retain that ‘real person’ quality that so many other actors and stars loose.

Maybe it’s because I just don’t care for Tom Cruise, maybe it’s because there seem to have been (viewing from the outside) manipulation and control issues in the marriage, but I can’t help but wonder just what was going on with them that caused Katie Holms to be so secretive and go to such lengths to get herself out of that marriage as quickly as possible once she broke the news to Tom.

Okay, I’ll be honest, it is actually an overwhelming curiosity of which I am somewhat ashamed. While I’m at it, I’ll take a moment to ask SOMEONE out there to tell Britney Spears that blue eye shadow went out with the 80’s and we really don’t want it to make a come back.

How did I end up in entertainment news on my lunch break? Speaking of lunch, it was catered today because one woman was on her 40th year here and anther on her 20th year here. They had really good catering picks for a change, at least one of them. I got food poisoning at the other about 6 or 7 years ago. Either way, good one or bad one, I still say that if your plastic fork snaps in half when you try to pick up a bite-sized piece of chicken then it was a bit overcooked.

Well, this has been a rather meandering post, going from one thing to another as it pops up. I’ll call it good for now. Lunch is almost over.

Gambling Addiction and Diminished Capacity for Logic

Posted in Life with tags , , , , , , , , , on June 20, 2012 by urbannight

Have you read about the Detroit man who was about to pull 1.5 million out of a bank ATM?  His account was being transferred from his old bank to the bank that bought them out.  Due to a strange glitch, it just let him keep taking money out. 

He then went out and gambled it all away.  Lost it ALL.

This does not shock me in any way.  People with any kind of addition have an off kilter logic process.  Things that seem unreasonable to most people make sense to them and seem like a viable course of action.  People with a gambling addiction are no different.  I see how this might have gone down.

Having worked in a jail that housed people with gambling addiction, I can tell you the logic probably went like this:  

I can win enough to put it all back and still come out ahead.  I’ll go to the casino, track, game, whatever, and I’ll put it back in the morning and no one gets hurt.

But person with the kind of gambling addiction that would make it seem okay to take out 1.5 million, since the bank was letting him anyway, is not the type of gambler that would ever be able to pull off that kind of winning streak.  In fact, they are far more likely to lose and lose big.

Because people with an addition often transfer their addiction to another substance, and people with a substance abuse addiction can shift away from a substance to gambling, it makes it seem like it is a weird form of substance abuse.  In fact, the treatment programs are similar to substance abuse treatments and the support groups are similar to AA and NA. 

On the other hand, substance abuse usually involves a craving for something whereas gambling seems to be a compulsion to do something, make is seem more like a compulsion based disorder.   It makes me wonder if there might be more success in treating gambling addiction with methods for treating both types of disorders rather than just treating it like a substance addiction.

He died and I don’t know if I should offer her my condolences or congratulations?

Posted in Life, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , on April 7, 2012 by urbannight

I’m trying to process my thoughts and reactions.

Once upon a time in a land far far away a young woman didn’t have a very good home life. As a result, she married someone in order to get out of her parents home. Because back then, you usually lived at home even after school and college if you didn’t manage to get married during college.

So she ends up living on a farm, being allergic to all animals other than camels and llamas (which is why here vet degree turned out useless), married to someone with the same issues she had growing up in her parents home.

She eventually has enough and leave him and moves back home swearing she will never marry again. She has never really shared details of what her home life was like or what finally happened that caused her to leave him. But once again she became desperate enough to leave her parents home that she married again. She said that this husband was better than the first because, “at least he didn’t hit.”

When I met her, her son from her first marriage was grown and she was coming to our stitching group. When her husband would let her. He didn’t like it when she went out by herself. He didn’t like it when she drove. And when they went on trips, he had to do the driving. So she knew something was wrong when he asked her to take over. In fact, she ended up having to take him to the hospital.

For the next 8 years or so, (I don’t think it has been a full decade) he has been ill and needed a great deal of care.

While we don’t know a lot of details about the marriage before he fell ill, we do know he was manipulative and emotionally abusive and a serious control freak. After he became ill, is was worse in some ways and better. On one hand, she could get out a little more. Especially whenever he was hospitalized.

On the other hand, his treatment of her got worse. One day he had her drive him to the bank so he could make sure her name was not on any of the accounts and make sure she wouldn’t have any access to money. He was also contacting a lawyer so she or her son would never get any of his money. He wanted to give power of attorney over to a relative that did not live near them.

She eventually convinced him that this was a bad idea. For the simple reason that she would not be able to pay any hospital bills and if he was hospitalized and completely out of it, as had happened a number of times, she would not be able to okay any treatment until they were able to get the relative to fly in.

One time he almost killed himself because he was taking his medications wrong. She rushed him to the hospital, they got him straightened out. After that they told her that even thought he seems okay enough that he ought to be able to keep track of things like that, he wasn’t really and she needed to keep track of it all.

And then she stopped coming to stitching because the woman she came with started working had worked and her job included weekends. This husband was only okay with my friend going places with this woman. Maybe it was because she was a stay at home mom and wife for so many years that he thought she ‘knew her place’. As the woman is a wiccan, he probably had no idea the amount of support she gave our friend and how much we all kept trying to work on this friend’s self esteem issues.

This woman I’m talking about is a wonderful woodcarver. She calls her style crude primitive but in actuality it is not crude at all. It is slightly on the primitive style but that is a legitimate carving group that refers to a look but not to any lack of skill. She also has a huge heart and spends a lot of her time knitting mittens and hats for someone she knows in the social work field. These get handed out to kids and poor families if they go in during the cold months.

This woman had her sense of self-esteem and self-worth beaten into the ground by her family and two husbands but was not broken. She is stronger than she thinks she is. We always thought she was strong enough to stand on her own but I think, in the end, it wasn’t because she was afraid to try but more because she just didn’t have any idea on how to do it.

She is also a bit of a technophobe and she refused to have anything to do with the internet. To her, a computer is only a fancy word processor. So the other day, she called a mutual friend who owns the store at which our stitching group meets, to inform her that her husband had died. The shop owner then disseminated the news via a media form most of the stitching group would see.

My first reactions was elation. Followed very quickly by guilt that I could feel that way. It turns out I wasn’t the only one. The person who spread the news said that when our friend called her, she didn’t know whether to say, “I’m sorry,” or “Congratulations”.

At that point the other day, our friend was “ecstatic with the idea of just her and Agnes (the cat) sharing the house. She’s also excited that she can go to McD’s any time she wants now without having to plan an excuse.”

How bad does a marriage have to be when that is a woman’s reaction to the death of her husband? From every hint I’ve ever heard, I think this is being freed from a prison or sorts.