Archive for Email

Humor in emails.

Posted in Advertising, Life with tags , , , , , , , on October 1, 2012 by urbannight

This has got to be one of the funniest business emails I’ve ever gotten.  I’ll just copy the thing into my blog.  It is from The Wailing List.

TO THOSE SOMEHOW CONFUSED BY THE IMPOSSIBLY SIMPLE…

We tried. We really did. We picked a 30% Off Coupon Code we thought was super simple. No overlong phrases, no tricky spelling or weird characters.

And yet, somehow, we still ended up getting a lot of complaints of the “your coupon code doesn’t work!” variety.

“I tried ’30rocks’ and it doesn’t work! What’s this some joke?”

“Why doesn’t my code ‘thirtyrock’ give me the discount you promised?”

“you dispair (sic) people really take the cake!!! i tried ‘thirty rocks’ over and over and it DIDN’T WORK?!”

How much easier can we make it, people? The code was ‘thirtyrocks’. Not any other variation some of you inexplicably and unsuccessfully kept trying to use. No numeric characters. No spaces. No quotes.

Listen, Jim D. of Miami, Carol W. of Pershing, Indiana (is that even a real place?), and several others who wrote us angrily over the weekend to complain. Though I hate to come right out and say it, I need you to do a better job of following instructions in order for this relationship to work.

(Why do I hate to say it? Well, the last time I did I had to duck right after because she threw a flower pot at my head… If only people understood how much easier life would be for us all if they JUST DID WHAT I SAID…)

Anyway, if you’re one of those people who missed out because you can’t read, I have a consolation prize for you. I have created a new coupon code. It expires tomorrow at midnight. It still lets you get the 30% discount you ‘got cheated out of’ (Annie S., Lake Placid, NY). There’s just one downside. By using it, you are making a confession to us.

Your new coupon code is iamdumb.

No quotes. No space. No capital letters. Just type iamdumb when you check out, and you’ll still get 30% T-Shirts, Posters, Calendars, Notecard Packs, Pessimist’s Mugs / Glasses / Shot Glasses, our Ceramic Mugs, Points of View Glasses, and everything else we sell.

Yeah, I know- it’s kind of insulting. But hey, I’m still cutting you a break! Because hey, you’re dumb!

That’s all for today. I’ve done my good deed. I still love you. I promise we’ll get through this.

One of THOSE Days

Posted in Work with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 26, 2012 by urbannight

I cannot read your mind, so I shall eat it instead…..
(I think I can get a lot of mileage out of this one image)

Why do people think I read minds?  I can’t.  It would be nice thought.  It would save me a lot of time.  

Names, Date, Places, are deliberately avoided to protect the sane, insane, and differently sane.

First there was the lady who called to report a loss from a week ago.  A week isn’t bad.  Really, it isn’t.  Not compared to some.  But she is all worried and said she was on vacation at the time. 

She is giving me info from a police report.  No problem.  I ask her to give me a description of what happened. 

Her: What do you mean?

Me: How did the Accident happen? 

Her: How should I know, I wasn’t there!

Me: But you have a police report that you have been reading from.

Her:   Do you want me to fax it to you?

Me: I just need you to read me the accident description from the police report.

Her:  Why are you coming at me with all this attitude?  What do you want me to do?

Me: You have a police report and you tell me you don’t know what happened.  It’s on the police report, all I need you to do is read me that information. 

And she finally does, calms down, and we finish the loss reasonably quickly.  Only at the end, she tells me she took photos of the other vehicle.  All I can wonder is how that happened if she was on vacation?

Then I get an email and two in-house phone calls to make changes on three claims all at the same time.  I can only answer one line at a time, thank you.  Two of the three were no problem.  Aside from the fact that as I’m trying to get to it, the other two calls come in, plus two external calls, and then another internal call asking why it wasn’t done yet.  We  found out more info and were able to change suspense claims to proper policies and get them set up accurately.  Finally, I got it out of my hair and off my desktop.

The third was an issue.  They changed the Date of Loss and now if fell inside the policy period.  But they never sent me a request to put the loss claim on the correct policy, so it was committed to the main frame as a suspense.  That just means a dummy policy to allow us to set up something if it fell before or after a policy period or if we couldn’t find any policy at all. 

The examiner wanted to know why it wasn’t changed to go on the correct policy.  For the simple reason no on informed me of the change of date and there was an active policy for the new date.  If I am not told, I cannot go in to make the change.  I don’t read minds. 

I would like to read minds.  I really would.  Then I might know who was in or not, who was on their phones or not, and I could stop wasting time an energy on people who don’t like me.  But I can’t.  Maybe I could saute them up in a little bit of butter.  I do like to cook. Anyway….

I’ve had another person in the unit tell me that she apparently can’t do anything right today and a third person is having some odd calls too.  Like one on man who told her if he could find the driver he would strangle and kill him, he just wants his 50$ deposit to the rental place back. 

If you are going to risk a murder wrap, please have it be more meaningful than over 50$.

I still have not taken my blood pressure meds today.  I really need to.  I’m starting to feel it rise.

I don’t think I want to know what the rest of today is going to bring.