Archive for Frustration

Friday’s Frustrations

Posted in Work, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 3, 2012 by urbannight

Several years ago, no long after I was out of training on my job, the supervisor called all of us together for a meeting.  There were not very many off us, two in the room and one on a phone.  She worked from home.  He said people were making a mistake and he wanted to make sure every one understood how it was supposed to be done.

The Cause Code should always match the action of the Act of Insured/Adverse, which ever did the action that lead to the accident.  If the Insured rear ended someone else, it would be ‘struck unit ahead’.  If the adverse party rear ended the insured, it would still be ‘struck unit ahead’.  In both cases, the vehicle performing the action has struck the unit ahead of it.  So even thought there is a ‘struck from behind’ option, we wouldn’t be using it. 

He asked if we understood and we all nodded.  The he said, “If everyone understands then why aren’t you doing it?”  We were all to embarrassed to say anything.  Now this is significant because the supervisor is normally a pretty mellow person. I had never seen him this upset either before or after that one meeting.

I was the new person and I had been doing it wrong.  I felt really bad about it because I thought it was my mistake.  I felt as if we had been totally chewed out and it was my fault.  I nodded yes, that I understood, because now I did.  I left that meeting feeling about two inches tall.

It came up today because someone in the other unit was being trained by two people who were telling her two different things.  We realized that several of us were taught differently. 

Most of the new people were being taught to use the “struck from behind” option if someone else hit one of our insured vehicles.  The supervisor of my unit decided to send an email out for clarification.  The person who totally chewed us out a few years back said that if the other party hits one of our vehicles, then we use ‘struck form behind’.  Totally, opposite of what he said that day when read us the riot act, so to speak.

My anxiety levels are now through the roof.  I can’t sit still and I’m practically shaking.  I remember how I felt leaving that meeting and now it turns out I wasn’t just me, everyone had been doing it wrong.  And the other two continued to do it that way and I was the only one to ‘correct’ myself.  Only to find out that that was really that way they wanted it.  That there was no reason to have gotten chewed out like that.  I wasn’t doing it wrong after all and that horrible feeling I had after the meeting was all for nothing. 

I’m so upset about it that I can’t stop thinking about it.  I’m twice as jittery compared to my normal fidgetiness.  My left eye is twitching.  That only happens when I’m majorly stressed out.  I’m lucky my hands haven’t gone numb and curled up.  Have you seen the curled hands of long time coma patients?  My hands do that and sort of lock up when I feel a great deal of stress.  I can’t straighten them out until I relax.  It feels like there was no point to that awful meeting.  I feel like I need Goma Ae and Seaweed Sushi rolls. 

This was written Friday but not posted.  I did not have Goma Ae and Seaweed Sushi Rolls.  In fact, I do not remember what I had at all.  Oh, pizza.  At the movies.  My roommate had an even worse day and we ended up at the theater watching Red Dawn after work.  Nice violent movie with which to help one calm down.

First Lines

Posted in Writing with tags , , , , , on November 29, 2012 by urbannight

I didn’t know where I was going.  I only knew that I had to get out.  Out before I did something stupid.  Out before I did something irreparable.  Out of the building, out of the city.  Just out.

Chaos Never Dies

Posted in Life, Work with tags , , , , on November 9, 2012 by urbannight

Today is November 9th.  It is Chaos Never Dies Day. 

It sounds like the title of 1980’s Bond movie if you ask me.

Of course, you didn’t.  That won’t stop me from talking. Or writing, as the case may be.

Disorder, Disruption,  it is . . . Everywhere!!!!

shhhhhh!  Be silent.  Be very very small.  Maybe, just maybe, it won’t see you. . . .

Opps, you weren’t quiet enough.  Or quick enough. It got you. 

That project your supervisor’s boss just tossed on your desk, because your supervisor is out, and you have never been trained on that task but it is due by the end of day. . . that is chaos.

The trainee keeps taking her questions on a certain type of project to a senior team member that can’t do that type of project to save her life . . . that is chaos.

You get a text from the supervisor and your phone doesn’t have enough juice to open it.  You also realize your phone is out of days and you have to add more NOW.  But the website revamped an now you can’t find the page to add time or minutes anywhere . . . that is chaos.

Your back and neck and shoulder is in extreme pain and you really need a massage, but you can’t find a reputable place that takes walk-ins . . . that is chaos.

In the past 2 hours, I had about double that in chaos.  This day is one for blankies, hot chocolate, and books to hide away from the world.  It isn’t even lunch yet.

ARGGGGG!

Posted in Life with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 2, 2012 by urbannight


Anyone out there feeling the need to just scream?

Something driving you nuts?

I know the feeling.

So I’m offering up a place to let loose and scream.

Go ahead.  You know you want to.

One of THOSE Days

Posted in Work with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 26, 2012 by urbannight

I cannot read your mind, so I shall eat it instead…..
(I think I can get a lot of mileage out of this one image)

Why do people think I read minds?  I can’t.  It would be nice thought.  It would save me a lot of time.  

Names, Date, Places, are deliberately avoided to protect the sane, insane, and differently sane.

First there was the lady who called to report a loss from a week ago.  A week isn’t bad.  Really, it isn’t.  Not compared to some.  But she is all worried and said she was on vacation at the time. 

She is giving me info from a police report.  No problem.  I ask her to give me a description of what happened. 

Her: What do you mean?

Me: How did the Accident happen? 

Her: How should I know, I wasn’t there!

Me: But you have a police report that you have been reading from.

Her:   Do you want me to fax it to you?

Me: I just need you to read me the accident description from the police report.

Her:  Why are you coming at me with all this attitude?  What do you want me to do?

Me: You have a police report and you tell me you don’t know what happened.  It’s on the police report, all I need you to do is read me that information. 

And she finally does, calms down, and we finish the loss reasonably quickly.  Only at the end, she tells me she took photos of the other vehicle.  All I can wonder is how that happened if she was on vacation?

Then I get an email and two in-house phone calls to make changes on three claims all at the same time.  I can only answer one line at a time, thank you.  Two of the three were no problem.  Aside from the fact that as I’m trying to get to it, the other two calls come in, plus two external calls, and then another internal call asking why it wasn’t done yet.  We  found out more info and were able to change suspense claims to proper policies and get them set up accurately.  Finally, I got it out of my hair and off my desktop.

The third was an issue.  They changed the Date of Loss and now if fell inside the policy period.  But they never sent me a request to put the loss claim on the correct policy, so it was committed to the main frame as a suspense.  That just means a dummy policy to allow us to set up something if it fell before or after a policy period or if we couldn’t find any policy at all. 

The examiner wanted to know why it wasn’t changed to go on the correct policy.  For the simple reason no on informed me of the change of date and there was an active policy for the new date.  If I am not told, I cannot go in to make the change.  I don’t read minds. 

I would like to read minds.  I really would.  Then I might know who was in or not, who was on their phones or not, and I could stop wasting time an energy on people who don’t like me.  But I can’t.  Maybe I could saute them up in a little bit of butter.  I do like to cook. Anyway….

I’ve had another person in the unit tell me that she apparently can’t do anything right today and a third person is having some odd calls too.  Like one on man who told her if he could find the driver he would strangle and kill him, he just wants his 50$ deposit to the rental place back. 

If you are going to risk a murder wrap, please have it be more meaningful than over 50$.

I still have not taken my blood pressure meds today.  I really need to.  I’m starting to feel it rise.

I don’t think I want to know what the rest of today is going to bring.

Red is for Rage

Posted in Work with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2012 by urbannight

Double Double Toil and Trouble

Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble

 

Everyone is familiar with the witch’s scene in Macbeth.  At least I like to think everyone knows it.  If they don’t, I feel it is a failure of the educational system.  But that just is not fair.  Students have to take ownership of their own education. 

 

Not that Edumacation (error on purpose) has anything to do with where I am going.

 

I’m thinking more along the lines of anger and rage.  When the blood boils and the skin feels on fire and you feel like one wrong thing said to you with send you right over the deep end into trouble which often leads to a lot of toil to either repair the damage or to get past it and go on with life, in a new direction.

 

I was so angry that I worked through my lunch break.  I was so angry that I was afraid if I left my desk I might just take my purse and keep walking until I got to the mystery book store to wait for my roommate to pick me up.  I was so angry that I was starting to see a red border pulsing at the edge of my vision. 

 

Okay, not really, not in the sense I was seeing a real optical illusion.  I’m not going totally mental or having a physiological problem triggered by rage.  It is an allusion to gaming.  When you have a map pop-up open, or a character sheet or anything that covers most of your play area, and you get attacked the edges will start to pulse red in a lot of games.  Sometimes the overlay itself will turn from blue to red. 

 

Double Double Toil and Trouble

Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble

 

In a round about way, without knowing dollar figures, I have figured out I’m the lowest paid person on my unit.  And they will be filling two new openings at a higher pay grade than me.  Clerical staff was told that we were going to be reassigned to the appropriate job titles but our pay grades were not going to be changed to reflect the correct pay grade for the job title.  For many people, they have been here a long time and are already above the relevant pay grade.  But I am at a level below what my job is going to become.  And my pay is going to stay at the level below. 

 

This means that everyone, including the new people, will be at a higher rate than me.  Yet I’m the only one who was doing this job prior to this unit being created and I’m the one they always come to when they have problems.  And the claims that no one can figure out get sent to me to set up.  In the yearly evaluation session with the supervisor, she stopped herself when she very nearly said that I could have run this unit. 

 

One of my reasons for rage should be clear, as I have to submit an application for my own job, just so I can move up a pay grade.