Archive for Goals

The Vanishing Voice

Posted in Entertainment, Life, Uncategorized, Work, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 1, 2012 by urbannight

I intended to write more last year.  I made the same promise to myself this year.  I am not getting off to a good start.  On the other hand, I’ve been knitting a LOT more this year and I started playing a pen and paper roll-playing game and I started playing Star Wars The Old Republic.  I have more hobbies and interests than time for them all.  Too bad I couldn’t clone myself. 

But that is not the voice that is vanishing.  It is my literal voice.  The sound that emerges from my throat when I make shapes with my mouth and pass air over my vocal cords.  I blame it all on Yankee Candles.

I love candles.  I don’t have a problem with them.  So long as there are not too many concentrated in one location.  I can’t handle candle stores.  I didn’t even go into the candle store.  All I did was walk past it while looking for a gadget store that is no longer in the mall.  On one hand, it was a complete waste of time.  On the other hand, it killed my cords.

The intense mix of scents that permeated the passageway in front of the store triggered a coughing fit.  One that continued all evening and all night long.  I would feel perfectly fine until I started coughing.  Then it cased a weird, sharp pain in my throat.  Not a normal sore throat. 

When I got up this morning, I sounded raspy and weird.  As the morning has gone on, and I work at a job that requires me to take calls and talk to coworkers, my voice is getting odder and odder.  I feel perfectly fine until I try to talk. 

The only thing I can compare it to is the time I got laryngitis about 21 years ago.  I should probably stop talking to my coworkers and save my voice for the phone.  But it is a tediously dull day.  I thought it might be busy.  Another unit has all of it’s compilers out, so we are covering for them. 

I was hoping for a nice busy day.  Busy days fly by.  If I’m tired after a busy day I sleep well.  If I am tired as a result of boredome from a slow day, I end up wide awake in the late evening and unable to sleep at night.  The sad thing is that I never used to get bored.  We had a reorganization and restructuring of departments and job duties and now I have started suffering that stange contion. 

It isn’t that there is nothing to do.  It isn’t that kind of boredom.  It’s a mental condition.  If I have nothing to do with my hands, I can find things to do.  But unlike the past, finding things to do no longer properly engages my mind and I start to drift off into a general state of mental ‘blah’ that I define as boredom.

The end result is that I can’t chatter at people (not that I’m all that big on chattering) and I have less to do than planned so it is harder to distract myself from my painful, vanishing voice and make the day end sooner.

31 Days of Halloween – “Re-Cycle”

Posted in Entertainment, Holiday, Movies and Theatre with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 14, 2010 by urbannight

My goal of doing something Halloween related every day failed miserably. I wanted the decorations out of storage on the first and didn’t get them out until the 12th. Three Tubs and half a box of Halloween décor, not counting the box full at work. I have one tub of Christmas décor. You can see which holiday has my devotion. The tubs have been stacked in the middle of the bedroom for two days now. I will work on that tonight.

Last night I went to a friend’s to watch a Chinese horror film. It received great reviews because it broke from the standard Hong Kong industry formula for Horror. That’s because it wasn’t’ exactly a horror film.

A novelist is at a press conference for the release of a film of her first trilogy, a romance in which the main characters die in the end. Therefore there love will be eternal and enduring and never ending. She also says she put some of herself into her female leads.

Her publicist announces the title and theme of her next book. A book she has not started and had not yet thought about. Now she has to start writing a supernatural novel named Recycle.

It doesn’t start well and her former lover has returned after 8 years. He was married when she was with him and he has now divorced. He had asked her to wait for him. She tells him that if she had waited for him she would have wasted 8 years of her life.

In the course writing, strange things start to happen as she starts to see the character she threw away and story elements she tests and discards. Then she finds herself pulled into another dimension, a dump of lost, forgotten, and abandoned things. Only two people really speak to her and they act as guides. One is an old man the other is a little girl.

The child helps her find her way back to the real world but can’t go with her because she will turn into a wandering spirit if she goes into the real world. She makes it back and sees herself at the computer, sending in her final revision. She tells her editor or publicist that she had to alter the main character because she put far to much of herself into the character and she had to change it to distance herself from it.

So does that mean the ‘her’ that made it back was a wandering spirit now? Because she was a story idea that got revised out and abandoned herself? This brings the ending of the movie back to a scary place.

But the center of the movie is less scary and very surreal. You find out that in the conversation with her former lover, she had revealed something painful and that was why they could not start over again and be together. It is probably why she had her lovers in her romance novel die in order to preserve their love. The strange world of abandoned things is a place in which she comes to terms with her own guilt and the choices she felt she had to make in her life. It reminded me of What Dreams May Come. It reminded my friend of Silent Hill, which I wanted to see but have not yet done so.

With the end shifting back into horror and two versions of the main character standing in the room together, it is a little confusing and you don’t know quite what it means. I would have preferred a less confusing end myself. But that is not at all uncommon in Chinese and Japanese horror films. Sometimes you see it in Korean Horror as well.

My friend kept saying it made it seem cyclical, like a cycle that was going to continue to repeat itself. I reminded her that the title was, after all, Re-Cycle. The clue was there the entire time.

Writing Hiatus

Posted in Writing with tags , , , , on September 15, 2010 by urbannight

In school I wrote all the time.  I wrote poetry, short stories, and random essays on things that popped into my mind.  While spelling was and is a weakness of mine, I worked hard on grammar and punctuation and organization. 

I would write a short story or essay inspired by the art on my folders for school.  I would make up stories as I went for my nightly walks.  I went to college and wrote, went to work, went to college again and majored in English Lit and took additional writing courses.

Then I graduated and stopped writing altogether.

Over the past 5 years, I’ve noticed a laziness that crept into my writing.  I’ve seen the deterioration of grammar and sentence structure.  And you don’t want to talk about my comma splices.  Or maybe you do.  I couldn’t say.

I’m not a grammar Nazi when online. But I do try not to look too stupid and uneducated.  I have several degrees after all.  And I really wanting to go back to school again because I’m strange and miss classes and studying and research.  I even started researching ancient East Anglia kings for something ‘fun’ to do. 

Part of this exercise is to work on my writing skills again and get them back up to par and work on my research skills for an age where technology now rules.

How did life get so busy that I completely stopped writing when I envisioned my future as a writer?