Archive for Misanthrope

The Insanity of it All

Posted in Life with tags , , , , on December 14, 2012 by urbannight

Sometimes I think that Humanity in general has to be bat-shit crazy. Considering the screwed up things some people do to each other and the general nastiness of the world, one would have to be crazy to keep getting out of bed in the mornings.

One would have to be crazy to keep hoping the world can be a better place. One would have to be crazy to keep on trying to improve their small corners of the world.

Because we keep working, keep trying, and keep hoping and the world repeatedly shows us that humans are a cruel and violent race. People are not inherently good. People are constantly striving against the darkness inside them.

Some use religion. Some use spirituality. Some find creative ways to vent that darkness in writing, painting, music, photography. Some use their science talents to try to heal and solve problems and create new opportunities.

But if insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, than we really just have to be an insane race of creatures – Humanity.

Boredom and Shyness.

Posted in Life with tags , , , , , , on October 1, 2012 by urbannight

My dad took this picture a few years ago, it is a lovely photo that I enjoy but it is also a good representation of how isolated shyness can make you feel.

Up until sometime in hight school I would say, “I’m SOOOO Bored” all the time. 

Considering my life was filled with going to movies, skating 3 nights a week, spending every day at the beach in the summer months, horse back riding, cleaning house from top to bottom before asking my parents for money to go to said movies or skating (we didn’t have an allowance or set chores, my sister and I developed this habit to make it harder for our parents to say no. After all, we did do all the work to earn it) and taking an hour walk every day. Not to mention flag team practice, games and dances, and the fact that I was a very intense book-worm.   Oh, I did crosswords and word puzzles every day and LOVED jigsaw puzzles.

When would I have time to be bored????

Oddly enough, despite all this activity, I was very shy.  So I bought a book on overcoming shyness.  There was a line in there, the only actually line I remember. 

Only boring people get bored.

But, wait, I get bored all the time!

From that moment on, anytime I started to think that phrase, “I’m bored” I would grab something.  I would grab a book, I would go to the kitchen and do dishes, I would go for a walk (that may actually be where I developed the habit of walking every night).  That habit died when I moved to Nebraska.  I would find something, anything, to do so I wouldn’t say or think those words.

I think the real meaning is that constantly complaining about boredom is boring to other people.  Instead, when you grab something else to do, you start developing more things to talk about aside from the boredom itself.

Because really, I had no cause to ever be bored with all I had going on.  Just listing it makes me wonder how I found the time for it all.

Only in these past couple of years have I started to feel that sense of boredom.  I need to do something about that.  I have tons of things to do, but I tend to let the computer eat up my time.  And half the time it isn’t that satisfying.  I love research but online research is not so fun to me.  I’ve tried using local library services, but this city doesn’t have a good library system.  I think I was spoiled by the Kootenai Shoshone Area Library system back home.  I worked here for a few years before moving and it was a fantastic county library system.  Nothing seems as good as them.  And I had access to the University of Idaho library.  This is a land-grant university, as such, it is a repository for government documents and important stuff like that. 

Maybe I’ll start forcing myself to do after dinner walks again.  I stopped because I hate the heat and humidity of a

Midwestern summer.  I miss the cooler, drier air of North Idaho.   But I need to end the boredom.  At least I don’t ever say those words.  So I don’t bore other people with it.

As for the shyness, I never really overcame it.  Every decade or so, I force myself out of it for a few years, and then things happen that remind me why I dislike humanity in general and I retreat again. 

Maybe I’m not really shy.  Maybe I really am just more misanthropic than I think.