Archive for Sales

Humor in emails.

Posted in Advertising, Life with tags , , , , , , , on October 1, 2012 by urbannight

This has got to be one of the funniest business emails I’ve ever gotten.  I’ll just copy the thing into my blog.  It is from The Wailing List.


We tried. We really did. We picked a 30% Off Coupon Code we thought was super simple. No overlong phrases, no tricky spelling or weird characters.

And yet, somehow, we still ended up getting a lot of complaints of the “your coupon code doesn’t work!” variety.

“I tried ’30rocks’ and it doesn’t work! What’s this some joke?”

“Why doesn’t my code ‘thirtyrock’ give me the discount you promised?”

“you dispair (sic) people really take the cake!!! i tried ‘thirty rocks’ over and over and it DIDN’T WORK?!”

How much easier can we make it, people? The code was ‘thirtyrocks’. Not any other variation some of you inexplicably and unsuccessfully kept trying to use. No numeric characters. No spaces. No quotes.

Listen, Jim D. of Miami, Carol W. of Pershing, Indiana (is that even a real place?), and several others who wrote us angrily over the weekend to complain. Though I hate to come right out and say it, I need you to do a better job of following instructions in order for this relationship to work.

(Why do I hate to say it? Well, the last time I did I had to duck right after because she threw a flower pot at my head… If only people understood how much easier life would be for us all if they JUST DID WHAT I SAID…)

Anyway, if you’re one of those people who missed out because you can’t read, I have a consolation prize for you. I have created a new coupon code. It expires tomorrow at midnight. It still lets you get the 30% discount you ‘got cheated out of’ (Annie S., Lake Placid, NY). There’s just one downside. By using it, you are making a confession to us.

Your new coupon code is iamdumb.

No quotes. No space. No capital letters. Just type iamdumb when you check out, and you’ll still get 30% T-Shirts, Posters, Calendars, Notecard Packs, Pessimist’s Mugs / Glasses / Shot Glasses, our Ceramic Mugs, Points of View Glasses, and everything else we sell.

Yeah, I know- it’s kind of insulting. But hey, I’m still cutting you a break! Because hey, you’re dumb!

That’s all for today. I’ve done my good deed. I still love you. I promise we’ll get through this.

6 Secrets Retails Don’t Want You to Know – We already know them!!

Posted in Economics, Economy, Life with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 16, 2012 by urbannight

1. Low prices don’t go with high quality.

Well, DUH! We know this one. High prices don’t always do with the best quality either. It’s a juggling act to find the best price and quality for your needs. Best quality often tends to be at the top end of the midrange prices or the bottom end of the high range prices. The highest priced items tend to be the companies after the people who think most expensive equals best. I’m excluding luxury pricing because that is a whole different category unto itself.

2. Retailers take advantage of focus on price.

This means that the lowest priced item will also be the one that falls apart fasted. Therefore, you have to buy more. The expensive one will last much longer, and be cheaper in the long run. Assuming you have the money at the time.

This goes back to the Vimes Boot Theory of Economics. (Terry Pratchett had another name for it but I always forget his exact wording) A poor man can only afford a 10 pair of boots. They don’t hold up well, you have to cut out cardboard to repair holes in the soles, and you still have to buy a new pair every year. A rich man can buy a pair of 50 dollar boots. These boots will last 10 years before replacing without the need for cardboard cutout in the soles. So over 10 years, the poor man has spent twice as much on boots than the rich man did. The boot maker isn’t getting rich from the rich people buying good boots. He got rich from the poor man having to buy crap over and over on a yearly basis.

3. Outlet stores are no bargain.

Where did people get the idea that outlet stores had better goods at cheaper prices? I’ve always known this fact. It was a huge deal back in the day when the first outlet shops started opening up. This was the place big names dumped their ‘mistakes’. Items that were miss-made. There was a lot of crap back in the day. Shirts with sleeves that didn’t line up true and so on. The companies were banking on the idea that some people were so desperate for big name brands that they would put up with something a little off.

Now days, they just make a low quality version of the same stuff they would normally sell, which may be an improvement over a shirt that has two different sleeve lengths.

4. All bedding and bath items are not the same.

Again with the DUH! I think everyone has had the experience of having bought two seemingly identical towels at different times, different stores, and different prices. One went through the wash just fine and the other started to fall to pieces on its first trip through the washer. Which usually results in statements like, “I’m never getting towels from there again.”

5. The latest trends will cost you more.

Over course they do. That’s normal. The newest fast is always priced higher to take advantage of the sudden interest with the knowledge that it will eventually die back. So the maker has to make a killing on it while it lasts.

6. Beware of ‘designer exclusives’.

Designer lines sold at lower end department stores often include the line, “made exclusively for _______ stores’. These are lines made for a certain price range and are not at the quality you would find in high end stores. The retailer then turns around and nudges the price upward for the ‘designer name’ on them. As far as I’m concerned, these ‘designer’ lines at places like Kohl’s, Target, or Wal-Mart are a joke. This is why I utterly fail to understand the people who keep making runs on Target, every time they do a designer line, just so they can sell it on EBay at four times the cost. The product itself has been made at a low end quality. It isn’t the same as buying that designer from a small, upscale shop in some big city.

Not a single one of these ‘secrets’ is a secret at all. On one hand, I fail to understand why the retail industry things these are tricks for which we are falling. For some of us, it is trying to stretch our dollar. We know it may cost us more in the long run, but it’s all we have NOW and so we are trying to make do the best we can.

As for the people who really think they are getting high end designer stuff on the cheap from outlets or low end department stores, I suspect that they are probably falling for all the other ones as well. But how could they grow to adulthood without learning these things?